


Apart

by blossomofsnow65



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-01-06 03:31:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 12,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21219860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blossomofsnow65/pseuds/blossomofsnow65
Summary: "Please, don't go.""Mulder, I have to go."





	1. Oxford, 1984

**Author's Note:**

> Something I found in my computer. 
> 
> No beta, so sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes!

_Oxford, 1984_

They walked to his dorm. The rain had soaked them and they were dripping, leaving huge puddles on the floor. Once inside the room, Scully headed towards the bathroom to get some towels her mother had sent him to dry off from the rain that caught them off guard, cutting their day in the sun short.

“So, what do you want to do now?” Scully said, drying her hair with the towel.

“Are you going back?” Mulder asked, suddenly.

The question. The question she had dreaded the second they met at that coffee shop. The first time they went on a date. The first time he held her. The first time they kissed. The first time they spent the night together.

“I…I…” She couldn’t find the words. Instead, she just looked at him, completely speechless.

“Well?” He said. Scully’s lack of answers alarmed him. His eyes were filled with sadness. “Are you?” She turned her eyes to the floor, tears starting to fall off them and rolling off her cheeks, staining with big, fat tears Mulder’s red carpet.

He walked towards her and grabbed her by the arms, gently. “Dana, please tell me.” He said with a sigh.

She looked at his sad eyes and sniffed. “Yes.”

His eyes closed and when he opened them again, he was crying. “Please, don’t go.”

“Mulder…” She started.

“Please, listen to me. Stay another year. I’ll pay for other courses. You could transfer here. Or just simply stay with me.” Mulder was on his knees hugging the love of his life by her stomach, sobbing like a child who had been denied a candy bar.

“Mulder, I can’t.”

“Scully, I can’t live without you. You are my everything.” He pleads.

“Mulder, I have to go. I have to go back to Maryland, I have to go back to my family, to my job.”

Mulder stares at her, heartbroken and defeated. “We were always going to part weren’t we?” He says.

“Yeah, I think so.” Scully lets out a sniff. She always knew this conversation was going to be difficult, but it turned out to be so much worse.

“Please, don’t go. I love you so much it hurts.” He pleads as he stands up and kisses her fully on the lips. She responds to the kiss, as if it was the first time they had kissed. Tears were stinging her eyes with the overwhelming thought that she wasn’t going to taste his lips anymore. He kisses her neck and hugs her, smelling her citric perfume and hoping that signature Scully scent stays implanted in his brain forever.

“Perhaps we were meant to fall in love but stay apart.” Scully says, hugging him back.

Then, silence overwhelms the room.


	2. Heathrow Airport, 1984

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. I think if I continue with this fic most of the chapters will be short, I'll just have to see where it goes.
> 
> No beta, so sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes!

_Heathrow Airport, 1984_

Heathrow Airport had never felt so empty, even though it was crowded: a pin could barely fit in the sea of people that was the place where he and Scully would bid farewell.

They had spent their last few months together without leaving each other’s side. If she was going back to her old life, then he was going to spend as much time as possible with her.

Everything they had planned together had to be done in a rush: the trip to the countryside, going sightseeing, watching a musical at the West End he had promised to take her to. All those romantic dates he had planned for her, they all had to be crammed up in one month.

One month. One month was not enough time for them to wrap up what have been six fabulous months. She would miss his fingers on her skin like feathers, leaving goose bumps as they traced soft lines up and down her arms. His sweet kisses on her shoulder when they made love and how gentle and thoughtful he had been the first time they slept together. He would miss her hot breath by his ear, telling him she loved him and the how delicious it felt when she rang her fingers slowly through his hair.

Their last night was the hardest: Mulder decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and spend the night at a fancy hotel. But they never made it to the five star restaurant; instead, they spent the night wrapped around each other’s naked bodies under the expensive, white cotton sheets.

He was not going to lie, tears were shed. It was hard to hold them in, it was hard to accept that the best thing that had happened to him was going away, possibly not coming back. She didn’t hide her sobs either. They had agreed that they were going to try and enjoy their last night together, but sometimes it was too overwhelming.

The ride to the airport was silent, the air around them heavy with sadness and desperation, maybe a hint of anticipated loneliness. But that didn’t keep him from holding her hand and kissing her knuckles. He knew she loved that and it would make her smile, which she did.

Right now, they simply stared at the screen, praying that by some miracle, her flight would be cancelled indefinitely and they had more time together. Unfortunately, their wishes didn’t come true since a man on the speakers announced that Scully’s flight was boarding. They turned to each other and Mulder kissed her for the last time. He could taste both his tears and hers, but neither of them seemed to be bothered.

“Safe flight, babe.” He said, wiping her tears with his thumbs. That only triggered more tears streaming down her face and she crashed into his chest, sobbing. She was leaving a wet stain on his shirt, but he didn’t care.

“I’m so sorry, Mulder.”

“Shh. Don’t be, everything’s going to be okay. We’ll still write to each other, right?” He grabbed the sides of her face and lowered his so that her big, blue and now puffy eyes met his. She nodded and sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve. Their foreheads touched and he kissed her there, moving on to her nose and ending on her lips once more.

She broke the kiss, not wanting to let the emotions get the best of them all over again. “Bye, sweetie. I love you, so much.” She said.

“I love you too, Scully. With all my heart.” Mulder said back. Scully grabbed her suitcase and headed towards the desk, her passport and ticket in hand.

“Hey, Scully,” he called and she turned around. “Please, don’t forget me. Promise me that you won’t.”

She smiled sadly. “Never.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: blossom-ofsnow


	3. January, 1984

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How it all began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A flashback with a little fluff to lighten the angst.
> 
> No beta, so sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes!

_Adam’s Coffee House, January 1984_

She had been in Oxford for three months before she got a job at her cousin’s coffee shop as a barista. It wasn’t ideal, but at least it gave her cash for the month.

She had worked for two weeks at the coffee shop when she met him. Scully was standing behind the counter with her arms crossed while rubbing her arms, trying to get as warm as possible on a cold, January morning. It wasn’t easy, though. People walking in and out before going to work asking for their coffee made it quite difficult for the front door to be closed for at least five seconds before another lawyer who was late for his day in court ran in and demanded his latte.

Holly, the barista/cashier, had call in sick, so it was just Scully against the angry professionals until noon.

He entered the coffee shop wearing a grey coat that looked cosy enough to warm someone in no time, and a navy blue scarf wrapped around his neck.

Like a robot, Scully got behind the computer and asked for his order, not bothering to look up. He ordered a cappuccino and, upon hearing someone with an accent that wasn’t British, she looked up.

To say that she wasn’t smitten instantly would be a lie. Her eyes sparkled when she saw him, and she swore she saw a sparkle in his eyes as well.

He told her he was studying Psychology at the University, she told him she was taking a few courses there as well, both of them surprised that they hadn’t seen each other roaming around campus.

She asked for his name and he told her it was Bob.

“So, Bob. Would you like something to eat?”

“What do you recommend, Dana?” He asked, looking at her nametag. She looked down at it and smiled, thinking how ridiculous she thought her uniform was when she first tried it on. The black apron and red cap was definitely unflattering on her.

“The croissants are good. I made them.” She said, a little blush forming in her cheeks. She wasn’t a big fan of cooking, yet alone baking, but her grandmother had taught her how to make croissants, and her cousin asked her if she could add them to his menu. She hated the process, it took too much time. But the look of satisfaction on the customer’s faces told her that it was worth it.

And the look of admiration on his face made it all worthwhile times infinity. He nodded with a smile and she entered his order in the system.

When he left with his breakfast, they had made plans to see each other again the next day.

Xxxxx

They sat on a table next to the big window at Adam’s Coffee House. Scully was called in to fill Holly’s shift, so their date had to be short, much to their chagrin.

“So, I have a confession to make.”

Scully looked up from her coffee with confusion. After all, she had only known him for a day.

“My name’s not Bob.” He said cringing. Scully laughed.

“Oh, I know. _Fox_.”

It was his turn to look confused, his puppy eyes narrowed. “How do you know my name?” He asked incredulously.

“You left your wallet yesterday.” Scully said as she handed his wallet back. “Why did you tell me your name was Bob?”

He smiled softly and scratched the back of his neck. “Like I wanted to explain ‘Fox’ for the millionth time.”

Scully rolled her eyes and nodded in understanding. “Well, I don’t know. I like it.”

“Please, Dana. Don’t try to flatter me, I know my parent’s gave me the worst name in the world.” He chuckled.

“No, really. It’s unique.” She smiled and he retaliated. “Besides, I understand what you’re saying. I hate my name, too.”

“What’s so wrong about Dana?” He asked as he took a bite of Scully’s croissant.

“I just don’t like it.” She shrugged.

He put his index finger on his chin and tried to look pensive, which made Scully giggle. “How about this: we’ll just call each other by our last names. That way you don’t have to hear Dana all the time, and I won’t have to hear the atrocity that is mine.” He reached his hand towards her and she shook it in agreement.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company just by looking at their eyes, as if they were holding a secret conversation. Scully felt as if she hadn’t just met him, but actually known him since they were children. He felt the same.

After a few moments, Mulder straightened up and spoke. “So, _Scully_,” he started and they smiled, both of them liking the sound of their new nicknames. “Do you want to do this again some time? Maybe dinner tomorrow night?”

Scully smiled. “I’d love to. _Mulder_.”


	4. Letters, 1984

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully's letters after she went back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst ahead cause that's my mood at the moment. (As you can see, the fic will have some flashbacks and time jumps.)
> 
> No beta, so sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes!

** _September, 1984_ **

_Mulder,_

_I miss you so much. The flight back home was the worst one yet. I could barely hold the tears back, the lady sitting next to me thought someone close to me had died. I never knew the pain of death, but I can imagine that the pain I’m feeling of not seeing you again is close enough. _

_Yours forever,_

_Scully_

_Xxxx_

_Sculls,_

_Life at Oxford is not the same without you. Seeing you walking down the hallways or behind the counter at your cousin’s coffee shop had become a routine, a habit, a sense of normalcy in my complicated life. Now that it’s different, I don’t know where I’m standing. _

_I’m sorry you had a bad flight. Remember when we watched ‘Caddyshack’? It was one of the best nights of my life._

_Whenever you’re sad, think about all the happy moments we spent together. At least that’s what I do and I feel a little better. Think about our second date. I’ll never forget that night._

_Love you always,_

_Muldy_

** **

** _October, 1984_ **

_Mulder,_

_Of course I remember watching ‘Caddyshack’, the worst movie of all times. But the night did end on a very high note. It was one of the best nights of my life as well. Did I ever tell you my cousin tried giving me sex tips before I left for your dorm? It was so gross. _

_We did have many happy moments. My favourite though has to be when we went to Lake District. You almost fell off the boat and ate so many fish and chips that you spent the whole night in the bathroom. _

_My father overheard my sister and me talking about you. She then heard him fighting with my Mom about our conversation. Mom was on my side as she always is when it comes to her children, but Ahab kept repeating that I had been irresponsible by getting myself a boyfriend instead of focusing on the courses, and that what I had done was typical Melissa. It stung, but I guess he doesn’t really know what love is._

_I’m heartbroken, Mulder. I want nothing more but to be with you._

_Did I make a mistake in coming back?_

_Love,_

_Scully._

_Xxxx_

_Dearest Dana,_

_First of all, you’re wrong. ‘Caddyshack’ is the best movie ever. Second, I threw up because I was seasick, not because of the fish and chips. Is there such a thing as being seasick six hours after you got off the boat?_

_Parents fighting is something nasty to hear. My parent’s fought all the time and I had to take my sister to a little hut we had built in the backyard to tune out the yelling. And I’m sure your father wants what’s best for you and didn’t mean what he said. I’m sure he’s proud of his feisty little redhead daughter and he was just shocked that something like this happened._

_You know there’s plenty of room for you here if you decide to come. I would love that. Samantha’s coming in December for the holidays, I’m sure she’d love to meet you. You’d get along really well. _

_Forever in my heart,_

_Mulder_

** _November, 1984_ **

_Scully, _

_I’m not sure if you got the last letter I sent you. _

_There’s this girl in my class who’s always sitting next to me and nagging me with her shrill voice. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. I’m sure you would’ve yelled at her already if you’d seen her. _

_I attend to take a profiling seminar. I thought it might be interesting to see how these people manage to get into the criminal’s head. Might be fun to do something like that in the future. What do you think?_

_Have you amended things with your parents? Send my love to your sister._

_I might be going back to the States later next year for my sister’s birthday. Are you coming back?_

_Love you,_

_Mulder_

** _December, 1984_ **

_Scully, are you ignoring me? Why did you stop writing? I need to know how you are. I need to know if you’re missing me as much as I still miss you. _

_If you don’t want to write anymore, you know you can call me. Call me at any time. Hell, call me at 5am if you want. Wake me up, I won’t care. Just as long as I hear your voice. _

_Yours,_

_Mulder._

** **

** _January, 1985_ **

_Happy anniversary, baby. I miss you. Please write back. _

_Xxxx_

_Scully, _

_I love you._

_Mulder_


	5. Samantha, 1984-85

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samantha arrives to see Mulder. Mulder sends Scully his last letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a veeeeeery long time, here's another chapter! Now that I'm no longer studying I have more time to write, so hopefully I'll be updating soon.
> 
> No beta, sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes!

The arrival of his sister was what he needed. Scully wasn’t replying to any of his letters and he couldn’t help but wonder why. Had he said something that upset her? Did her parents hide the letters? Or worse, did she meet someone else?

Samantha Mulder arrived just in time for Christmas, and with her she brought an energy that Mulder often described as out of this world. Simply put, it was exactly what he was missing in his lonely life.

The last time she spoke to him, Scully was still in Oxford. Now, when she asked to see his new brother’s girlfriend, he broke down and bawled like a baby. Always supportive, Samantha hugged him and let him cry and cry and cry until his sobs turned into hiccups and he ran out of tears. Mulder explained that Scully had left for Maryland and broke his heart by abruptly ending their relationship when she stopped writing back.

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, Fox. But she obviously had her reasons, and no matter how painful this is for you, you have to move on. Leave this dump you call ‘dorm’ and go out with your friends, or at least for a walk around campus. It smells like five million asses farted here. And don’t even get me started on the interesting odor that’s radiating off of you. Come stay at the apartment with me and let’s spend the holidays together, because I refuse to ring the New Year in a dorm that’s littered with food boxes and hasn’t seen the ray of light in months.” Samantha had always been supportive of her brother and she always talked sense to him. She always brought him back to the real world, even if it hurt to do so.

The holidays passed and Samantha stayed, even though she was supposed to leave on January 3rd. Fox had yet to return to his smelly dorm. Or to his classes.

One day, his sister - who had endless patience for him - had had enough. Upon seeing him sleeping on the living room couch, she stomped towards the kitchen table and grabbed a profiling book he had bought for a class that he was supposed to take once the semester began.

His faint snores suddenly stopped when the book hit his chest with a loud thud. “What the fuck are you doing?!” He yelled as he tossed the book to the floor.

“That’s it, Fox. You’re going back to Oxford. I’m sick of watching you victimising yourself, moping around all day because of a girl. I’m sick and tired of having to explain to Mom and Dad why you are not going to your classes anymore, why you haven’t attended a single one since Christmas break. You have to move on, man. Go back to your old life.”

“I can’t go back to my old life. That included Scully and she’s in Maryland.” Mulder said with a groan as he stood up, rubbing his eyes.

Samantha sighed in frustration and placed her fists on her hips. “No, you idiot! Before her! Before you turned into a lonely son of a bitch who sits around in his pajamas and watches fucking ‘Caddyshack’ all day long! That movie sucks!” She followed him as he walked to the kitchen.

“It’s a great movie.” Now it was her turn to groan. She threw her head back and stomped her foot, angry at her brother who wasn’t reasoning. “Fox! People get together, people leave each other, they break their hearts. That’s the way humans are, that’s the way the world is. You are her past, she is yours. You don’t know if she thinks about you or if you’re just some pieces of paper she keeps in a box in her wardrobe. All you know is that you’re hurt about something she did, something that she told you might happen when you started going out. So don’t blame her for committing to what she said.”

Mulder set down the orange juice he had been drinking straight from the carton and closed the fridge doors. “So what, you think I’m the one who is to blame in this situation? Why are you defending her, Samantha? I’m your brother, I thought of all people you were the one who would have my back!”

“I’m not defending her, and I’m not blaming you. I’m just telling you how things are. I’m sorry if you can’t handle the truth.” She said calmly and walked towards him, hugging him. “Mulder, sometimes people walk into our lives and all we can do is appreciate them. Maybe that’s what you have to do in this situation. Appreciate her.”

Mulder smiled and hugged her back. “It’s February, why are you still here?”

“Because I have your back. I always do.”

Xxxxx

The next day, after dropping his sister off at the airport and promising her that he would get his life back on track, he decided to write one more letter. The last one.

_Dear Dana, _

_I know it’s been a while since we last wrote. Or at least I wrote. But that’s okay. You must have your reasons as to why you stopped all of a sudden, but I don’t resent you for that. _

_I just wanted to tell you that even though we are no longer in touch, I still think about you. I think about you all the time. I think about the way things ended between us - our departure at the airport and our letters - and I sometimes cry about it. _

_You brought light into my life. I loved you so much, and I don’t think I’ll never stop loving you. _

_I hope everything’s well with you and your family. You know I’ve always wanted what’s best for you, and I hope you get to achieve everything you told me you wanted to. I really do hope you’ll be happy. I wish nothing more than for you to be happy. _

_I heard that sometimes the things we love the most come back to destroy us - but I don’t think that’s true. Because I loved you with all my heart and you made me a better person. You were my friend, you were my touchstone. You were my constant. _

_Love, _

_Mulder _

Xxxx

Scully read the last letter he ever sent to her with tears in her eyes. The rocking chair she was currently sitting on was rocking her gently in the corner of her room in her new apartment.

As a tear escaped her eye, she looked at the crib that had just been delivered. She held the letter to her heart as she whispered, “and you are mine”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: blossom-ofsnow


	6. Emily. June 15, 1985

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully’s new beginning without Mulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I typed really quickly on my phone, so I extra apologise for the grammar/spelling mistakes!
> 
> No beta.

The day Scully met Mulder she knew it was the start of something that she would never forget. She knew she was in love as soon as they agreed to call each other by their last names: she found that incredibly endearing. Whenever she heard her name she felt as if someone had run a bell right next to her ears, the high-pitched _ding_ making her eardrums bleed. Her boyfriends, her friends, even her family scoffed when she complained about it; but not Mulder. He understood her.

Before Mulder, she never thought she could love something as much as she loved him. When she left she feared she would never love someone that way again. 

Until today. 

Scully looked down at her little bundle of joy sleeping underneath a white blanket her mother had knitted. She smiled sweetly at the little baby and caressed its cheek with her index finger. 

The day she found out she was expecting she felt as if her world had shattered. Her mother held her hand as she waited for the result of the pregnancy test and hugged her when it was positive. She cried angry tears, angry at God, for she couldn’t understand why He had done this to her. Why He was making her raise a baby all by herself, making her give up on her dreams. Yet she felt some comfort when her mother reminded her that everything happened for a reason. 

What reason? She thought. Maybe this baby was something of a token, a twenty-four hour reminder that what she and Mulder had was real. 

Even though she was scared of telling her father the news about the baby on the way (which he took surprisingly well), she was terrified of telling Mulder. She was already giving up on her dreams, and she was in no way willing to give Mulder the chance to give up on his. Scully knew he would jump on the first flight and ask her to marry him and raise the baby together. So she stopped writing. 

She read every single letter he wrote, even the heartbreaking ones. The ones where he pleaded for her to write back. And it tore her apart when he said he wasn’t going to write back.

“How is my little girl?” 

Scully was pulled away from her thoughts when her father walked in the room holding balloons and a gift bag in one hand, and hugging a stuffed teddy bear that would outgrow the newborn for a couple of months. 

“Hi, Ahab. I’m fine. A little sore still. But other than that everything’s fine. We just ate actually.” She kissed his father’s cheek and smiled down at the baby. 

“Well, I brought some gifts. The gift shop next to the cafeteria has some good stuff.” He said as he set down the presents and sat on the chair next to the bed. 

“I can see. And I can tell you enjoy that shop, given that you basically bought everything they sold,” Scully laughed. 

Ahab chuckled and leaned forward to caress the newborn’s cheek. All of a sudden, the comfortable and happy mood that was surrounding the room faded and Scully knew why. 

“Starbuck, when are you going to tell him?” He sighed sadly. 

“Dad, I can’t. He would be giving up too much and I don’t want him to do that. He wants to accomplish so much that I can’t get in the way of it and ruin his plans.” The baby sensed Scully’s tension and let out a small cry. Scully simply shushed and rocked the baby. “I love him endlessly, but I had to end it. I’m sorry, but I did. And I’m heartbroken. Completely heartbroken that I don’t know if my heart will ever be fully mended.”

Ahab looked at her with empathetic eyes and smiled sadly. “You don’t have to apologise. You made the right decision, no?”

“I don’t know if I did, and I’ll never really know if I did. But things are this way now. And I just have to get used to them, because at the end of the day it was the decision I made.” With that, Scully was done talking about Mulder, and her father sensed it. 

“Okay. Well let’s change the subject. You know what you’re going to name the little nugget?”

Scully smiled and kissed the baby’s soft cheek. “Yes. Emily.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: blossom-ofsnow


	7. Second date, 1984

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully's second date. January, 1984.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another throwback to the second date. Some people asked me in the comments to write about it, so here you go!
> 
> No beta, so sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes!

_January, 1984_

Scully looked at herself in the mirror for the millionth time while her cousin sat on her bed, confusion painted across his face. She twirled around, trying to find new excuses as to why the outfit she was wearing was the wrong one which would send her into an angry rant about not having anything to wear on her date with “the absolutely most amazing guy she’s ever met,” as she described him to her cousin.

“Dana, you look fine. Honestly. With your boobs hanging out of your dress he won’t even notice the stain in the hem,” Adam teased, standing up and pointing at her black dress. Scully’s eyes widened and he laughed. “I’m joking. You look great, but just finish getting ready. He’s going to pick you up any minute.”

Scully walked out of the bathroom and pushed Adam back on the bed. 

“Where is he taking you that you’re dressed so fancy?”

“I don’t know. Some party. He said to wear something nice, my best clothes. So I am.” She informed as she applied lipstick. 

“Well, if you’re going to do the nasty tonight, just make sure you wear protection.” He said nonchalantly as he sat down and switched on the TV. Scully, completely caught off-guard, dropped her lipstick onto the floor. 

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. If you’re going to get dirty tonight, just make sure he’s dressed for the occasion. But most importantly, don’t do anything you don’t want to do.” As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Scully sighed in relief. She opened the door and Mulder was standing there, gobsmacked at the sight of her. She on the other hand, was surprised at how casual he looked. 

“Wow. You look beautiful.”

“And you look as if we’re going to a frat party. Why did you make me dress like this?” 

Mulder chuckled and walked in, waving at Adam upon seeing him. “We are not going to a frat party. My friend James’ parents are having some party at their place and he invited me. I don’t own any nice clothes, so this is what ya get.” He explained and kissed her cheek. 

As he pulled away, she felt her face getting hot and suddenly the conversation she had with her cousin a moment ago came back to her. She was mortified and her beetroot face was proof of it.

Adam cleared his throat and they were pulled from their loving gaze. Scully turned to him and told him she would be back late. Adam chuckled and said, “don’t wait up, am I right?”

The door shut before he finished speaking.

Xxxxxx

The party didn’t turn out to be what Scully expected. She thought it would be a sit down dinner with a violin quartet playing in the background, but instead she walked in to find people dancing while drinking, and pizzas were being passed around by waiters. It was sort of like a frat party but more formal, she thought.

She met his friends and they told her about the time Mulder got so drunk he locked himself out of the dorm building in his boxers. They laughed, and laughed, and laughed. She laughed until her stomach begged her to stop, otherwise it would explode.

They drank a lot. Even though she promised to herself at 13 that she would never drink when her parents had to call an ambulance because her brother had drank so much that he was almost unconscious. They tried to dance, but they were so out of synch that they decided to sit outside together, the cold January air hitting their faces like a ton of bricks. 

They talked, and talked, and talked. He told jokes and she laughed. Properly laughed. So hard that she could barely breathe.

They memorised each other eyes, their expressions. At one moment, Scully looked up and Mulder was gazing at her as intently as he was when he kissed her cheek. It was so mesmerising that she couldn’t look away, even though she felt compelled to do so. He held her hand and kissed her knuckles, making her feel alive. 

He leaned forward and tried to kiss her, but suddenly they realised that they couldn’t have their first kiss with hundreds of drunk people around them. It was as if they were too shy and needed their privacy.

Mulder led her back to his dorm and she felt happy. So happy. He leaned in and kissed her and it was like fireworks. Electricity ran through her body and she felt more alive than ever.

Later, he puts on ‘Caddyshack’, but they don’t watch the movie. They were too caught up in their own world of bliss. And for this, Mulder was definitely dressed for the occasion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr: blossom-ofsnow


	8. Our Lady of Sorrows, 1994

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully reunite

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Massive time jump. Here goes a short chapter.
> 
> No beta, sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes!

_ 1985-1991 _

Scully had been living a normal life in Maryland; at least as normal as a single mother could have. 

Although she suffered from panic attacks from time to time when she brought Emily home from the hospital three days after she was born, with time - and patience - she managed to get a routine. Wake up, feed the baby, burp the baby, change the baby, put the baby down for her nap. Repeat. As the baby got older, other factors such as playing and teaching how to draw and read were thrown in. Then school started and it was as if reality had slapped her in the face: her baby wasn’t a baby anymore. 

Yet, despite having a baby to take care of, she never gave up on her career as a medical doctor. Sure, when Emily came lots of her dreams had to be put on hold, such as backpacking across Europe, doing a Masters and living abroad for a year. But her daughter was worth it. 

Her classmates and her teachers were baffled to know that the straight-A student had a one-year-old pulling all kinds of mischiefs, driving her grandparents insane back at her home (one day Scully came home from a long day at the University to find her mother crying because Emily had found the box where they kept the crayons and decided to pull a Picasso on the wall. Scully chuckled to herself and murmured softly to herself, “like father, like daughter”.)

When she graduated, Emily’s little six-year-old legs jumped up and down until they felt as if they were about to fall off, not being able to keep up with her energetic personality. Her sticky hands clapped as fast as they could and Scully couldn’t help but notice her daughter’s toothy smile beaming at her as she walked across the stage and received her diploma.

After six years she had managed to settle into a comfortable routine. Until, that is, she got a job at a hospital in Virginia. 

To say that her daughter wasn’t happy would be an understatement. When her mother told her they would be moving to another state, Emily’s reaction could’ve been compared to that of a child who is denied a piece of candy at a supermarket. She didn’t just cry; she shrieked.

“Em, honey, it’s going to be okay. There’s no need for you to behave like that.” Scully sat on the floor next to her daughter who was lying there on her stomach, her arms hiding her crying, puffy eyes. “You are going to have so much fun over there.” She soothed.

“No, Mama! I won’t see my friends,” Emily said, her voice muffled by her arms covering her face. 

“Well, you’ll make new friends. You’re a very social and likeable child, Emily. They’re going to love you, I’m certain.” 

“But I don’t want to! I want to stay here with Grandma and Gramps!” Her legs started kicking and Scully took three deep breaths, trying not to lose her patience when one foot hit her shoulder. She started crying when Emily mumbled the words she hoped she would never hear: “I hate you.”

Luckily, Scully’s mother was standing by the doorway, listening to the conversation. She intervened as soon as she saw tears running down Scully’s face. “Emily, darling. We will see each other all the time. Virginia is not that far, you can come here on the weekends or we could go there and visit you. It’s not as if you’re moving to the other side of the world.” She explained as she walked in and got down to Emily’s level, wiping a tear from Scully’s face as she did.

“Promise?” Emily looked up and sniffed, her face red, her eyes puffy and her nose runny.

“Of course. Now apologise to Mommy. You said some hurtful things, don’t you think?”

Emily nodded and rose to her feet. She smiled down at Scully and hugged her neck, “I love you, Mommy. Very, very much. I’m sorry.”

Scully smoothed Emily’s hair and kissed her cheek. “I know, sweetie. I love you, too.” Emily’s embrace tightened, almost choking her. She smiled at her mother and mouthed “thank you”. In turn, she smiled and left the room, giving her daughter and granddaughter some space.

Xxxxxxxxx

_ 1994 _

Skinner had assigned him a case he didn’t think was worth it. It wasn’t even an X-file, he argued when the case was dropped on his desk. Someone had murdered someone and then murdered someone else and Mulder lost track of what his boss was saying, bored to tears. However, he had to comply and drive to Virginia to investigate what was so important that he had to drop everything and leave.

A lead told him he had to go to Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital. Apparently, someone who was about to be attacked managed to escape and was more than happy to offer a description of the murderer. 

He walked in the Hospital and instantly felt something familiar. He felt as if he was being pulled inside, some force taking him somewhere. Where? He didn’t know.

It looked as if it was a busy day at the Hospital, given that Mulder was ignored by every single person. Nurses, doctors, priests. It was as if he didn’t exist. He came across a nurse’s station and saw a doctor standing with her back to him, writing something down.

“Excuse me, do you know where I can find room 205?” He asked.

“Yes-- oh, my God. Mulder.” Scully turned and her eyes widened as the colour of her face disappeared.

Mulder smiled at her, shocked. “Scully.”


	9. Catch up, April 1994

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder and Scully catch up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes!

Seeing her standing there in her white doctor’s coat, eyes wide open and mouth slightly agape reminded him of the first time he saw her at the coffee house back in Oxford. They were roughly five dates in when he confessed that he had actually seen her a few days prior to their first conversation, but he didn’t know how to approach her: he was too nervous. She laughed at the ridiculousness. He said he had never seen anyone so beautiful before, that she took his breath away. 

Present day, it seemed as if Mulder took Scully’s breath away. But not in the same way as 10 years ago. 

“Mulder, what the hell are you doing here?” She said between gritted teeth which hurt him a little. After all, he was hoping that if they ever met again, she would be happy to see him. Guess not, he thought.

“It’s good to see you, too, Scully.” Even though he tried to hide it, she noticed the hurt in his eyes. 

Scully closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to measure her words this time around, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting to see you, that’s all. Truly, I’m sorry, Mulder.” She looked down at the floor, trying to avoid the sadness in his eyes.

“For what? For being rude to me just now or for cutting me out of your life and breaking my heart ten years ago?” He mumbled nonchalantly, but clear enough for Scully to hear.

Her throat closed up, a huge lump starting to form and tears threatening to fall. “Oh.” Was all she could say. When she looked up, he was looking at everything but her.

It was a few moments - although it felt like hours - before Mulder spoke again. This time, he looked at her and sighed, “Well, let bygones be bygones. I’d love to stay and chat like you so clearly want me to, I can see it in your eyes,” he squinted his eyes in suspicion and pointed his finger at her eyes. She chuckled. “But I have to question a witness. So if you could please tell me where room 205 is?”

“Upstairs, to your left.” Scully indicated.

“Great, thank you. And yes, I’ll accept your invitation to dinner. Steak House? Eight o’clock?” He said as he walked away, Scully looking at him questioningly.

Scully smiled. “Perfect.”

Xxxxxx

Even though she agreed to meet with him, she was dreading it. What was she going to say when he asks why she stopped writing out of the blue? Would she tell him the truth?

_ Oh, hi, Mulder. I cut all forms of contact with you because I had your lovechild. She’s at home right now, playing with stuffed animals and toy trucks, do you want to meet her? _

“Mommy, I wanna go with you.” Emily cried while watching her mother as she fixed her hair, ripping her away from her thoughts.

“No, no, Em. Mommy will have a night out with a friend she hasn’t seen in a long time,” Melissa kneeled down to her niece’s level and tried reasoning with her. “Doesn’t she look pretty in her little blue dress?” She asked her as they turned to Scully.

Scully posed for them which made Emily giggle, “She’s always pretty!”

“Thank you, sweetie,” Scully said as Emily ran to her. 

She carried her daughter to the living room and, as she passed Melissa, she heard her mutter, “a little too pretty for a catch up dinner,” which prompted a nudge from Scully that almost threw Melissa to the floor.

“Shut up. I rarely get to go out, I want to look nice. Now, if you need me, you have my number and the restaurant’s number. Emily, behave and listen to Auntie Missy. Okay?”

“Okay, Mommy,” Emily agreed as she played with a stuffed animal on the floor.

“Have fun. But not too much fun,” Melissa winked.

“Ugh, you sound like Adam when Mulder and I went on our second date,” Scully shuddered at the memory while closing her handbag.

Melissa laughed and shoved her sister out the door. The elevator doors were closing when Scully heard Melissa shout, “should I wait up?”

Xxxxxx

Mulder sat at the restaurant waiting for Scully impatiently. His leg bounced up and down at an alarming rate. The more he waited, the more he was consumed by his thoughts.

All through the day, he couldn’t stop thinking about Scully. Even while interviewing his witness, he could hardly pay attention. It had been weird seeing her again. She was different, yet she was still the same: her hair was longer, but her eyes were still as blue as the ocean. Her face was a little bit more full than he remembered, but she was still tiny. 

Just as he felt as if he was about to lose his mind, Scully walked in. She spotted him sitting at the back and walked slowly, careful not to trip in her heels. In the soft light of the restaurant she looked beautiful.

Mulder stood up when Scully arrived at the table. They gazed into each other’s eyes and it was as if nothing had changed. Before long, Scully spoke. “Should we sit down?”

“Y-yes. I saved you a seat,” Mulder winked and offered his seat, sitting down on the opposite chair.

“Why, thank you. You left it warm, how thoughtful.” She grimaced and laughed, hanging her coat and bag on the chair.

“I run hot, Scully. You of all people should know that.” Mulder shrugged. 

“Unfortunately, I do.” She smiled. 

Scully thought the night would be awkward, but in reality it was far from it. He always made her feel comfortable, no matter the situation. And tonight was no exception.

Mulder told her he was working for the FBI and was involved in the X-Files. People called him ‘Spooky Mulder’. She liked the nickname and teased him about it. He told her he had been briefly married to a woman called Diana Fowley, but he never understood why. They didn’t love each other and she cheated on him basically from the day they met. Her heart dropped when he said this, but she immediately kicked herself. After all, she hadn’t told him about Emily because she wanted him to do something with his life. She couldn’t expect him to cling to her his whole life. Yet in some level she hoped for that. How selfish, she thought. 

Then it was her turn to tell him about her past ten years. He was proud to know that she had become a doctor. Even more proud when she told him she was a neuropediatrician. He was sad to know that her father had passed away in January. He held her hand as she stayed silent after telling him, the wound still fresh. She smiled sadly. 

Overall, the night had gone surprisingly well. He made her laugh. He always did. Even when she felt there was nothing left laughing for, he always find a new way. She was never the funny one in the relationship and she envied Mulder for that. 

It seemed as though neither didn’t want the night to be over, which was confirmed when Scully accepted Mulder’s offer to walk around. More pleasantries and stories were swapped, like when Samantha went to France on a baking scholarship and met the man of her dreams, or Missy’s trip to Vegas which ended with a three day marriage to an Elvis impersonator. 

“So what about you, Scully? No man? No kids?” Scully froze. It had been a miracle he hadn’t asked her what had happened in the first place, but somehow she didn’t expect him he would ask her if she was married with children. It was weird, but she supposed he knew she wasn’t married. She couldn’t explain to herself why. 

Now it was her moment to tell him about Emily. But would it be wise? They just reunited after ten years. They had a nice night, why drop a bomb like this? “Nope.” She replied. 

“Huh.” He simply said.

They continued wandering aimlessly, the cool April breeze sending chills through her body. Suddenly, it began raining. Mulder, always the gentleman, wrapped his coat around her and led her to an alley. Scully looked up at him and he laughed at the sight of her.

“What’s so funny?” She asked in confusion, a smile forming in her lips.

“Your mascara is all smudged. You look like a panda.” He traced the make-up with his finger and poked her nose lovingly. Suddenly, he started laughing again, only this time it was louder. 

She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “What are you laughing at now?” She rolled her eyes.

He shook his head, “nothing, nothing. I’m so happy. You make me so happy that smiling isn’t enough.” 

Scully smiled at him and placed her head against his chest as they stood in that alley, waiting for the rain to end, hoping that it would wash away all the bad memories, the bad decisions. But mostly, all the sadness they once felt.


	10. Hot Mama, May 1994

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder finds out about Emily

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta, sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes!

Mulder, the ultimate believer in the supernatural, was convinced that his sister had a sixth sense. Everytime he needed her, she casually showed up. When he was sick, she would walk in his apartment with a bowl of soup because she had made too much for her and her husband; when he was too tired to go about his daily chores, she called offering to pay his bills for him; and, of course, when Scully broke his heart she flew to England to be his shoulder to cry on. 

It had been a while since he had spoken to her, given that she was now living in France and he was basically married to his job, but her showing up at the FBI basement to surprise him was what he needed. And her growing bump wasn’t something that went unnoticed either. 

“You never call, Fox, and I’m very busy with the bakery and this little bean growing inside me. I swear, sometimes I’m certain he thinks my bladder is a football, so don’t be alarmed if I jump off the chair and sprint to the bathroom. Or if I laugh too hard and pee my pants, for that matter.” She chuckled and rolled her eyes. 

“I’m so happy for you, Sam. How’s Antoine?” He said as he gave her a glass of water and sat down in front of her.

“He’s great. He’s been super thoughtful and really helpful. I’m a very lucky gal.” She smiled. 

“Good. Otherwise I’d have to go to Paris and kick his ass. I’m a trained FBI agent, you know I can make some damage to his beautiful French complections.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, but that won’t be necessary. So, what’s up with you, Spooky?” Samantha asked, looking at him from her eyebrows as she took a sip of water. Mulder had casually told her about his nickname and needless to say, she found it hilarious. She almost felt angry that she didn’t think of it first.

“Well, you know who I bumped in to? Dana Scully.” He smiled.

Samantha sighed, rolling her eyes, almost angrily. “Oof.”

Mulder fell back on his chair and looked at his sister. The last thing she knew about Scully was how heartbroken she had left his brother, how depressed he was. Of all the girls Mulder had brought home, no one had the impact that Scully did. No one had shaken his ground, no one had made him grow the way Scully did. No one had made him cry the way Scully did.

“What?”

“Look, Mulder. I love you, you know I do. But that woman stepped on your heart the same way a stoned college guy steps on a piece of dog shit in a lit paper bag. I have never seen you that fucked up before, and I don’t want you going through that again. You didn’t even suffer that much with Diana, and the things Diana did to you were way worse than what this Dana girl did. But that’s my opinion.” His sister said as she caressed her bump and glanced at her brother’s untidy office. 

“I appreciate your concern, Sam, I really do. But I think that things are different now. We’re not in college anymore, we’re grown ups, with jobs, with responsibilities. I truly feel that if we keep seeing each other we can rekindle what we had ten years ago.” Mulder affirmed, smiling. 

Samantha simply looked at him, clearly not convinced. She sighed once again and shrugged. “Okay, well tell me about her. How was she? How’d she look?”

And so Mulder told her. He told her how beautiful she was, even after ten years she never looked more beautiful. He told her about a certain glow she had, one that she didn’t have ten years ago. He told her about her eyes, her hair, her soft voice.

“Wow, Mulder. If you don’t make it as an FBI agent you should consider a career in poetry,” Samantha mocked.

“Oh, hush. I don’t know, it was so strange. I was sitting there and all the time I was thinking that I could not believe she was sitting in front of me. I never thought I would see her again.”

“What’s she up to now?”

“She’s a neuropediatrician and---”

“Oops, hold that thought, I have to pee real bad,” Samantha jumped from her seat and ran to the bathroom. Mulder laughed.

Xxxxxx

At what point does ‘fashionably late’ starts to be ‘ridiculously late’? Scully thought. Melissa was supposed to be babysitting Emily and she had to be at a dinner with the Hospital board. She was starting to pull on her hair, one strand at a time, when the phone rang.

“Melissa, where the fuck are you?” Scully whispered angrily into the phone, looking towards the back of the apartment at the little girl watching cartoons in her room.

“Dana, I’m so sorry. Steve had a work mishap and I’m stuck at home helping him.” Steve. Aka, the Elvis impersonator she married, divorced, and then married again. 

“What work mishap could Elvis have? Has his wig gone missing? Did his pants tear? Boots have a smudge in the heel, hmm?” Dana didn’t like Elvis.

Melissa groaned. “Dana, please. I was washing the whites and I misplaced a sock. His pants are pink and he has a gig in an hour.” 

“Melissa, you were supposed to be here an hour ago. Are you telling me that you’ve know about this for an hour and are just calling me now?” Scully was angry. Tonight was an important night. If everything went according to plan, she would be in the running to become the Head of Neuropediatrics. But now it seems as though her night has been ruined because of pink lycra pants.

“Call Mom, I’m sure she’ll give you a hand. Steve, stop moping around and do something about it! Dana, I’m sorry, I have to go. Talk to you later, love you, bye.” 

And just like that, Dana threw the phone on the couch and walked towards her room, unzipping her dress.

Emily sat in the middle of the bed with her eyes glued to the TV, deeply concentrated in what Tommy, Chuckie, Lil, Phil and Angelica were going to do next.

“Hi, baby,” Dana sat next to her daughter and planted a kiss on her head.

“Hi, Mommy. Is Auntie Mel coming over?” Emily asked, eyes still glued to the TV. If it weren’t for the sweet voice coming out of her mouth, Scully would have thought she was sitting next to a child zombie.

“No, sweetie. It’s just the two of us.” 

“Oh. She was going to braid my hair.” Robot voice this time.

“I can do that. Go get your toiletry bag, we’ll give each other makeovers, order some pizza. How does that sound?”

“Like a slumber party?” Emily shifted her eyes from the TV to her mother, full of excitement. 

Scully smiled and nodded. Emily hugged her and jumped off the bed, running towards her bedroom. As her daughter wreaked havoc her room, Scully changed into her PJ’s, choosing to go for the comfortable cotton ones instead of the silky ones that made her sweat. 

She heard Emily speaking which made her smile. She found it adorable how her daughter wasn’t afraid to play every scenario she imagined out loud. Emily continued babbling on and on and Scully chuckled, that is until she heard a man talking back. Her heart froze and she ran out the room.

Standing at the door was Emily in her onesie and holding the toiletry bag, but she couldn’t see who the other voice belonged to. “Emily, sweetheart. Who are you talking to?”

“Mommy, the nice man says he know you.” Scully walked closer to the door and saw Mulder by the door, crouching. She felt something in her heart which she couldn’t pinpoint. But that was almost instantly replaced with horror.  _ Mommy? _

Scully’s eyes widened and she looked at Mulder who was looking at Scully, but had no expression of surprise whatsoever. He was...almost nonchalant.

“Emily, don’t open the door and don’t talk to strangers. Even if they say they know me, we’ve talked about this. Now go to my room, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“I’m sorry, Mommy.” Emily looked at her with big puppy eyes. Just like her father, Scully thought.

“It’s okay, just go to my room, the TV’s still on.” She said as she quickly ushered her daughter away.

Mulder rose back to his feet and groaned. “Oh, wow. The years are definitely starting to get to me. My knees are not happy with me right now.” He smiled. “So. Mommy, Scully?” Mulder asked, eyebrows raised. “I thought you said you didn’t have any kids.”

Shit.

Of all the scenarios she thought of Mulder finding out that she had a child, this definitely wasn’t one. Granted, she had absolutely no idea when or how she was going to tell him, but him surprising her at her home and having the door answered by their daughter wasn’t ideal.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Mulder. I honestly don’t know what to tell you or what explanation can be good enough for you to understand why I told you I didn’t have a kid. It was the first time we saw each other in a long time, I wanted to keep things pleasant. It’s a lame-ass excuse, believe me I know. But it’s the only thing I can say, I’m sorry. If you want to go, by all means.” Scully explained, glancing at the floor.

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s okay. You are one hot mama, Scully.” Mulder said. Scully blushed. “But you’re not married, are you? I’m not going to be surprised by an angry husband, am I?” He continued as he grimaced.

Scully laughed and shook her head, relieved. “No, no. I’m not. Look,” she rose her left hand and pointed to her ring-less ring finger. Mulder nodded. “Incidentally, why are you here? How do you know where I live?

“I’m an FBI agent, I know all your secrets.” Mulder said flatly. Scully stared. “Kidding. I drove you home from our date the other night, remember? Your car had broken down.”

“Correct. Thanks again, by the way.”

“I noticed you didn’t correct me when I said we went on a date, Scully. I’m flattered.” Mulder exclaimed. Scully rolled her eyes and smiled.

“I noticed you haven’t told me the reason why you’re here. I’m intrigued.” Scully replied, letting Mulder inside. 

He looked around her apartment and sat down on the couch. “Well, my sister’s in town and we were supposed to go out to dinner, but she fell asleep on the couch. She’s six months pregnant, I didn’t want to wake her. Anyway, I thought I might come by and take you out. But I can see that you too are busy with an offspring.” He wiggled his eyebrows towards the back of the apartment, the Rugrats theme song faintly coming out of her room.

Scully smiled sheepishly and shrugged, “Yeah. Sorry.” Mulder glanced at her, the same way he did when they met. The glance that made her weak in the knees and made her feel as though she was melting. Suddenly, without being able to stop herself, she blurted, “You’re welcome to have dinner with us. My sister was going to babysit, but something came up so we’re going to have a sleepover, order some pizza.” 

Mulder beamed. “I’d really like that, Scully. Thank you.”

“I’m not so sure if you’ll be thanking me when Emily braids your hair and puts lipstick all over your face.”

“I don’t mind. Samantha used to do the same to me when we were kids. Granted, against my will.” Mulder shrugged and Scully laughed. “By the way, cute PJ’s, Scully. I thought they stopped making Winnie the Pooh PJ’s for adults a long time ago.”

Scully rolled her eyes and slapped his arm.

Maybe Elvis’s pink pants didn’t ruin her night after all.


	11. Hyde Park, 1984

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sweet and fluffy flashback. 
> 
> No beta, sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes!

The first day of summer came, and with it the hottest day of the season. So much so that Scully wore shorts. She hated shorts.

Mulder suggested a picnic at Hyde Park. Scully wasn’t a fan of the idea. She thought it was too sticky outside, and that there would definitely be a lot of kids running around with their dogs and bicycles. Not to mention the trip to London. Alas, Mulder’s puppy eyes got to her and by noon they were sitting on a blanket under the trees of the park.

They bought sandwiches from a stand outside the park and bottles of water, although Mulder wanted the cheap pack of 4 questionable cans of Coca-Cola. “Scully, it’s a great deal!” Scully gave him a pointed look and said that they needed to stay hydrated, not give themselves a sugar rush. Once they found a comfortable spot to sit in, they ate while commenting on the children running around, laughing at the parents who were up to their neck with kids, and feeding the cute squirrels bread crumbs.

Scully laid on the blanket with her head on Mulder’s lap, enjoying the feeling of his long fingers combing her hair. She was starting to fall asleep when he spoke.

“Hey, Scully? Do you ever think about having kids?”

Had it been anybody else, she would’ve ran away that instant. She was a twenty year-old med student, she was too young and too busy to start thinking about children. However, being that it was Mulder who asked, she didn’t feel like running away. Instead, she felt like this conversation was going to happen sometime. And she was glad it was with him.

“I don’t know. I mean, it would be nice to have one or two kids running around with the man I love and choose to be with for the rest of my life, but not right now. In ten years or so, maybe.” She answered as she sat up and saw a little boy chasing his Border Collie.

Mulder stayed silent and Scully turned around and looked at him. His lips were slightly pursed and he seemed pensive. “What about you, Mulder? Do you think about having children of your own?”

“Yeah, I do.” He said, now gazing at Scully and smiling. “I’ve always seen myself in a home with a beautiful wife and kids. Taking my daughter to ballet lessons, going to my son’s soccer games. Having the family over for barbecues on a Sunday, why not?”

“Wow, you’ve really thought it through, huh?” Scully smiled and caressed his cheek.

“I grew up with a sister who played house twenty-four seven, can you blame me?” He laughed. “You know what I would love to call my daughter?” He said after a while.

Scully shook her head. “Emily. It’s such a beautiful name, don’t you think?”

Scully smiled. “Yeah, I like it. I also like William for a boy, after my father.” She replied as she resumed her previous position and placed her head on Mulder’s lap.

“Also a very nice name.” Mulder said as he caressed her hair. After a few minutes she started falling asleep, thinking about their own little family.


	12. August, 1985

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Scully writes to Mulder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My last update was in June, yet it feels like ages. Here goes a short, angsty one.
> 
> No beta, sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes!

**August 1985**

_Dear Mulder,_

_It breaks my heart that I stopped writing. There is no explanation other than I am a coward. I am a coward for running away when you asked me to stay with you. I am a coward for not telling you enough how much I love you. But I have never been a bigger coward than right now. _

_Mulder, we have a child. A little baby girl. Her name is Emily, just like you wanted your daughter to be named. Remember that day at Hyde Park when we talked about kids? She was born on June 15th, and she is the most beautiful baby in the whole world. She does not have much hair – after all, Scully babies are always bald -, but I can tell that she will be blonde. She has your eyes, though. The most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. Don’t worry, she does not have your nose._

_Why didn’t I tell you, you ask? I honestly don’t know. I should have. I was a coward, I was scared; maybe I was running away from a reality that had slapped me in the face. All I know is that there is no excuse that can justify my actions. And for that I am truly sorry, and I hope you can forgive me. Although I completely understand if you don’t. I can’t seem to forgive myself for this._

_I miss you so much, Mulder. I think about you all the time, I dream about you every night and wake up feeling empty. Our daughter has brought a light in my life I thought I would never have, but there are days – dark days – in which I feel that my love for her is not enough. That having her here with me does not make my life whole because you are not here with me. And that is my fault, not yours. _

_Growing up, the idea of being alone did not scare me. In fact, I welcomed it. But right now, the thought of being alone terrifies me. It destroys me. And not having you beside me makes me feel alone._

_I hope you can forgive me._

_Love,_

_Your Scully_

Scully folded the letter and placed it in the envelope. Tears started to stream down her face, staining the white paper.

Ultimately, she walked towards her closet, reached for the box sitting on the shelf above her coats and placed the letter in there. The box that kept Mulder’s unanswered letters, wrinkled, and stained with tears. Emily started crying from her crib which brought Scully back to reality. She wiped her face with her sleeves and closed the closet’s doors.


	13. Love, 1994

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scully thinks about her feelings towards Mulder
> 
> No beta, sorry for spelling/grammar mistakes!

Ever since Emily was born, Scully thought about the moment that Mulder met her. Different scenarios would play out in her mind: calling him one day after years of Emily insisting to know who her father was, Emily doing her own investigation and confronting her for neglecting him, even ridiculous movie-like situations in which Mulder would run into her and meeting Emily at her front door when he showed up for a spontaneous date that ended up in a pizza and princess makeover night. Of all the absurd situations, the most far-fetched kind, the one that only occur in movies actually happened to her.

Mulder couldn’t have been nicer, though. Contrary to Scully’s fears, he didn’t seem to have a problem with Emily or with the fact that Scully hid her existence - even though she had yet to tell him that she was his daughter. They clicked instantly. He didn’t complain when Emily blurted 500 questions in one breath, gladly watched cartoons with her, and even let her put a ridiculous amount of make-up on his face and a green boa around his neck. Scully laughed at his new look and Emily crowned him Princess Sparkle Face. Mulder accepted his new title with pride.

Scully didn’t know her heart could swell so much until she saw Emily sleeping against Mulder’s arm, her head on his shoulder. She looked so peaceful and oddly like him when he slept. Little snores came from her mouth and she suggested Mulder go back to his place when his eyes started to drop. Without hesitation, Mulder grabbed a sleeping Emily and held her close to him, her head fitting perfectly on the crook of his neck. He rubbed soft circles on her back and took her to her room, tucking her in bed and placing a stuffed bunny next to her. Scully felt her eyes starting to water as she watched how Mulder treated Emily after meeting her only a few hours ago. It was very paternal and natural, a beautiful sight that Scully never wanted to forget.

They walked silently to the door and before Scully wished him a good night, Mulder kissed her passionately and told her he had one of the best almost-date he ever had and that he would let everyone know about his new royal title. She giggled and he pressed his lips gently against her and wished her a good night, not before telling her that Emily was a great kid and that she should be proud.

And proud she was.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

From the day Emily met Mulder, she talked about him non-stop. Scully and Mulder had started to see each other more often, marking their Friday nights as date night and once or twice a week he would come to Scully’s house and stay until Emily went to sleep. Sometimes he left after tucking her in bed, other times Scully waited for him naked in her bed and Mulder would leave before Emily woke up.

Things were getting more and more serious with Mulder to the point where he would babysit or pick Emily up from school if nobody could. Emily didn’t complain, though. She loved Mulder.

One day, Mulder took Emily out for ice-cream after picking her up from school and she suddenly transformed from a child to a teenager.

“Mulder, how do you know when you love somebody?” Emily asked as she placed a spoonful of chocolate ice-cream in her mouth.

Mulder blinked and laughed nervously. “Whoa, where is this coming from?”

“Just wanted to know.” Emily shrugged, concentrated on the delicious treat.

How do you know when you love somebody? He remembers asking this same question to Samantha when Scully left, asking her if the pain he felt was the result of love or never-ending heartburn. But what could he say that a nine-year-old could understand? Ultimately, he decided to tell her exactly what his sister told him all those years ago.

“Well, Em. People have different ways of knowing when they love somebody. I think you feel you’re in love when you’re with that person, but you never truly realise that you were in love until they break your heart.” He replied honestly.

“Oh. What does that feel like?”

“It hurts, so much. It’s a pain that starts deep in your chest and then travels all over your body. You feel sad, you eat a lot, you watch ‘Caddyshack’ on repeat and try to make it through the day.” Mulder said as he described exactly what he felt when Scully left.

Emily watched him intently and placed her index finger on her chin as if in thought. “What’s a caddyshack?”

Mulder laughed. “Only the best movie ever. Your mother didn’t show it to you?” Emily giggled and shook her head.

He returned to eating his ice-cream when Emily asked him what he hoped she wouldn’t. “Mulder, did someone break your heart?”

He couldn’t tell her that it was her mother who broke his heart and left him depressed and completely and utterly useless. But for some reason he always felt that he had to be honest with her. “Yes. But it was a long time ago.”

“Well, she’s a dumb-face for breaking your heart.” She said scrunching her nose. Her ice-cream covered mouth turned into a pout and he laughed. If only she knew she was talking about her dumb-face, adorable mother.

Xxxxxxxxxx

By the time Mulder took Emily back to her home, Scully was waiting for her with dinner almost done.

“Wow, Scully. Something’s cooking and it smells good.” Mulder said as Emily ran to her mother and he closed the door.

“I stopped by my mother’s house and she gave me a ton of frozen lasagnas, so I have one cooking in the oven. You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner if you want to.” Scully said as she placed kisses all over Emily’s face.

“I will accept that offer. By the way, your daughter’s face ate chocolate ice-cream, it might want to take a bath before dinner.” Mulder joked nonchalantly, but Scully chuckled nervously. Emily jumped from her mother’s arms and ran to the bathroom, leaving the adults in the kitchen alone.

“Thank you so much for picking her up. She wasn’t any trouble, was she?”

“Oh, not at all. You know I love spending time with her.” Mulder smiled and got closer to her, kissing her lightly on the lips once she met him in the middle. “I gotta tell you though, I don’t know what’s going on with her, but she started asking me pretty deep questions.”

“Oh, yeah?” Scully raised an eyebrow while placing kisses on his neck. “Like what?”

“She asked me about love and when people knew if they were in love.” Scully stopped her trail of kisses and her lips remained still against his neck.

Emily must’ve heard Scully’s conversation with Melissa when she came for dinner over the weekend and asked her how things were going with Mulder. Scully got candid with her sister as she always did, but she left no detail behind thinking that Emily was sleeping. Which led to her worry as to how much Emily had heard.

At one point, Melissa asked her if she loved Mulder. Scully, in turn, asked Melissa the same question that Emily asked Mulder: how do you know when you love somebody? Only Melissa didn’t have an answer.

Mulder brought her back from her thoughts when he spoke again, asking her if she was alright. She mumbled that she was okay just as Emily ran back into the kitchen, wearing her pajamas, her hair wet from her bath.

During dinner, Scully remained silent, thinking about that stupid question. Did she love Mulder, though? He had always been thoughtful, sweet, funny, and witty. He could be a pain in the ass, but she knew how to handle it. He was a romantic and a big, fat sap. But right now, she couldn’t think about herself. She had to think about Emily as well. And he was amazing with Emily, and she loved him. He truly acted like a father. Right now, Emily babbled on and on about what had happened at school, and Mulder nodded and reacted with exaggerated, adorable faces and paid attention to what she said, even though she must’ve told him the same stories earlier. He was patient with her, and she could tell that he loved her too.

As he always does when he comes over to Scully’s home, he tucked Emily in and told her a bedtime story about a Flukeman but made sure to keep it PG to avoid the nightmares. Scully stood in the doorway watching the scene play out before her when it suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks: she loved Mulder.

And it scared the shit out of her.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: blossom-ofsnow


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